In and Out of Somnia

Insomnia sucks. You can be dead tired, unable to think straight, physically worn out, and yet sleep simply won't come. Then the whole next day, you're wasted until around when you should be getting to bed, at which point you start to wake up and can't go to sleep properly.

For my part, I think I've pinned down why it's always been such a problem for me. Consider: the only reason an alarm wakes someone up is to go to work/school/unemployment office. Which means that when I awaken, rag myself out of bed, and get to work, I'm awake because I have to be, but usually not because I want to be. My most ineffective hours are the morning hours, which is fine by me because they're someone else's time: provided I'm not bad at my job, I don't mind being at my worst while on the job. It's not like lives depend on my mental alacrity.

Then, as the day wears on, and as I consume calories and caffeine, I come into true wakefulness, with mind functioning at full capacity. Usually, lunch is when it hits me (which, unsurprisingly, is when I wake up when my alarm's off). Then I'm in good shape until fairly late at night.

The catch is that, when I'm home from work, it's me-time. I'm doing what I want to be doing, so my body becomes fully engaged. Endorphines get used, even though it's probably a waste (compared to, say, when I need to sprint to flee muggers or something). And the result is that while I may be tired, I want to keep doing what I'm doing. And if I deny that calling, I can't sleep. If I were talking about 7 or 8 hours of sleep, no big deal. But getting 4-5 hours for a week kills a person. My immune system shuts down, and my energy levels are nonexistent (except when I'm trying to sleep).

So: I need to somehow find a way to be doing things that are not my pet projects (but rather something boring and mundane) the next time I'm up at 4:00 AM. We'll see how it goes...