Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Food: Supercharged

Hunger is annoying. Well, it's true! This damn body of mine guzzles fuel. Where's it all going? I'm not exactly holding the world aloft on my shoulders. How much horsepower can I possibly have?

(Dr. Internet estimates that I, and other healthy humans, can sustain about 0.1 horsepower).

Seriously: I only need to fill my car's gas tank after something like five hours of continuous freeway driving. That's 5 hours powering a 62 horsepower engine, dragging a one-ton body. Here I am, light as a feather, and I can't jog for more than five minutes without "overheating." and yet, three times a day, I've got to pour more fuel into this damned body.

Now, I know what you're going to say: "But eating isn't just fuel, it's parts & service, too!" A fair point. My car would run pretty poorly with someone constantly meddling with the engine. But consider: I'm stationary more of the time. It's the nature of both my professional and leisure activities. Hell, I spend a third of my time in a coma-like state. Can't they work on it then?

That's another annoying thing: sleep. Who's bright idea was it to have the immune system regenerate its defensive status during obligatory downtime. And who thought it would be a good idea to force us to chose between oblivious rest and exhausted delirium? I know some people (you know who you are) who seem to have largely dodged the sleep bullet (they need precious few hours a night - so more like they were grazed by it), but by consequence they're wracked with hunger all the time. And I mean *all the time.* Any day or night, chirpy "I'm hungry" proclamations can be heard.

So what's to be done? The answer, I think, is clear: we need high octane food. Something that passes straight into the bloodstream carrying vital nutrients. I'm not talking about those clunky energy bars (try eating six of those and tell me how much energy you've got for the next half hour). I'm talking fast-acting liquid that can be absorbed through shallow cell walls, providing nutrition the moment it enters the mouth by infusing your soft pallette with life-giving vitamins, proteins, and sugars. Think of it: in addition to conventional food (which you'd need for roughage and the like), you could have "fuel injection" foods.

Naturally, there are design issues. We'd need to figure out how to keep that "cycle of stomach acid production" thing under control. And abusing the stuff would probably make you grossly obese and result in weird dietary deficiencies. But still! Forget those goopy power shakes, those empty granola promises: this could be real "power food." Fast food would have to renounce it's title and go by it's True Name: "Fat Food." We'd no longer hear stories of obsessive teenagers in Korea starving to death in Internet Cafes (just require them to take a mouthful of the Company Power Drink once every 12 hours). Disaster victims could have dramatically better chances of surviving their recovery periods, their bodies being given all the raw materials needed to rebuilt.

Enough. All this talk of superfood has made me even more hungry. I'm going to go get something sugary and likely unhealthy. Stupid hunger.

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